Happy New Year, everyone! I’m sitting here writing this post at 5am from my couch thanks to the jet lag after my Christmas vacation back home. Today is a day that many have been dreading, including myself. Going back to work and facing reality after such a wonderful break is definitely not fun for anybody, but I’m especially struggling at the thought of it today. If you’ve been a long time follower of this little blog of mine, then you’ll already know all about my struggles with homesickness and missing life in Ireland but I have to say that saying goodbye to my family yesterday and coming back to New York felt a little harder this time around.
When I first arrived home for Christmas, I really found myself not being able to relax! I felt so anxious and had that feeling that there was something I should be doing, even though I was on vacation. It took 5 days before this feeling started to go away and I think it’s because my life in New York is so jam packed with work and a to-do list as long as my arm that I don’t know what to do with myself when those elements are taken out of the occasion. While I was at home I had a little time to reflect on the last year, and while I was so proud of all of the amazing things I achieved and the experiences I had, I started to realize that my whole entire year revolved around work. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I’ve always said that outward facing success isn’t what fulfills me as a person, it’s spending time with family and friends and I feel like I did very little of that in 2017. Spending some time at home away from it all really heightened my longing for a life that’s not filled with the stress and worry that comes with working in a city that takes all of your energy and I truly found myself not wanting to come back to New York! In fact, (this is so awful to say, don’t judge me..) but I actually found myself hoping that my flu would turn into pneumonia so that I could stay at home an extra week!
Some might say well why don’t you just move home then? But the truth is that while my heart would much rather be at home where life seems a lot easier, my brain is telling me that I need to spend some more time in NYC to get the best experience I can get so that I can set myself up for whenever it is that I do move home. The hardest thing about making a decision to move home is deciding when is it enough? When have you made enough money, got enough experience or made the most of as many opportunities as you possibly could? And as much as I fantasize about moving home, I know that when the day comes, making the decision to leave will be one of the hardest decisions yet. All I really want out of 2018 is to create some sort of plan for the future and have an estimated date for moving home, whether it’s a year or two who knows! But I truly believe that having that end date will give me such piece of mind.
So you see, my brain is a bit of a mush right now and you’re probably wondering why I’m even sharing my ramblings with you today, but I really want to be as real as possible about this journey of mine here on the blog. There’s a lot of crap that goes on social media where people like to give the perception that they’re living the dream when they leave Ireland, and maybe I’ve even been guilty of it from time to time but the truth is, I’m just trying to get by and figure out what I’m supposed to be doing and where I’m supposed to be living along the way. The nice thing is, from the wonderful messages everyone sent me on snapchat yesterday (michaelabear1), it seems I’m not the only one!